When Someone Elses Anxiety Gives You Anxiety Too?

You feel fine until you walk into a room with someone who is clearly anxious. Then your chest tightens, your mind races, and suddenly you are anxious too. This is a common experience. When someone else’s anxiety gives you anxiety too, there is a name for it: emotional contagion. It is not a sign that something is wrong with you. It is a normal human response to picking up on another person’s emotional state.

Can you actually catch anxiety from someone else?

Research suggests yes, you can. Scientists call it emotional contagion—the tendency to automatically mimic and synchronize with another person’s emotions. When someone around you is anxious, your body can mirror their stress response. Your heart rate may go up. Your breathing may become shallow. You may start to feel on edge for no obvious reason.

This happens partly through mirror neurons, brain cells that fire both when you do something and when you see someone else do it. When you observe a stressed person, your brain may activate some of the same circuits as if you were stressed yourself. Your body also releases cortisol, the stress hormone, in response to someone else’s anxiety. Some studies have measured cortisol levels rising in people simply sitting next to a highly stressed person.

The effect is not imaginary. It is real biology. But it is also not automatic for everyone in every situation. The strength of the response depends on your relationship with the person, your own emotional state, and how closely you pay attention to their cues.

Why does this happen? The psychology behind it

Humans are wired for connection. From an evolutionary perspective, being sensitive to danger signals from others helped groups survive. If one person in the tribe sensed a threat, everyone needed to be alert. That same system is still working today, but now the “threats” are often everyday worries rather than predators.

Empathy plays a big role. When you care about someone, you naturally tune into how they feel. That is a good thing most of the time. But when the person you care about is anxious, empathy can backfire. You may start feeling their anxiety as if it were your own, even if you were calm moments before.

Another factor is your own history. If you grew up around a highly anxious parent or partner, your nervous system may have learned to be on high alert. Being near someone who is worried can trigger that old pattern even years later. Your brain says, “Something is wrong,” even when nothing is wrong with you personally.

When someone else’s anxiety gives you anxiety too

This is not just an occasional annoyance. For some people, it becomes a pattern that drains their energy and affects their daily life. You may find yourself avoiding certain friends or family members because you know how you will feel after talking to them. You might feel physically exhausted after a conversation. You might lie in bed replaying worries that are not even yours.

The effects are not limited to your mind. Anxiety borrowed from someone else can cause real physical symptoms: headaches, muscle tension, stomach upset, trouble sleeping. Over time, chronic exposure to someone else’s anxiety can contribute to burnout, irritability, and even a lowered immune response.

Relationships can suffer too. If you are constantly absorbing your partner’s anxiety, you may start to feel resentful or distant. You may try to fix their worries, which rarely works and leaves you frustrated. You may stop sharing your own feelings because you do not want to add to the stress.

Recognizing the pattern is the first step. If you often feel anxious after being around a particular person, ask yourself: “Was I anxious before I saw them?” If the answer is no, you are likely dealing with secondhand anxiety.

Who is most at risk?

Not everyone absorbs another person’s anxiety equally. Some people are more vulnerable to emotional contagion. Those who score high on empathy tests tend to be more affected. People who already have an anxiety disorder are also more susceptible because their nervous system is already primed for threat detection.

Highly sensitive people—roughly 15 to 20 percent of the population, according to research—process sensory information more deeply. They notice subtle changes in mood and tone more easily, and they react more strongly to others’ emotional states. If you have been called “too sensitive” or “thin-skinned,” this may apply to you.

Caregivers, therapists, nurses, and others in helping professions face a high risk of absorbing others’ anxiety day after day. This is one reason compassion fatigue and burnout are common in these fields. Children are also very susceptible. A child can pick up on parental anxiety even when no words are spoken.

How to protect your own mental health

You cannot control how others feel, but you can control how you respond. The goal is not to stop caring. The goal is to care without taking on the other person’s emotional burden as your own.

Name what is happening. When you feel anxiety rising after being with someone, silently label it: “I am absorbing their anxiety. This is not mine.” Simply naming the process can reduce its power.

Create a mental boundary. Imagine a shield or a bubble around you. Visualize the other person’s anxiety bouncing off rather than entering. This sounds simple, but many people find it helpful. You are training your brain to separate their feelings from yours.

Use grounding techniques. When you notice your body tensing up, take a slow breath. Feel your feet on the floor. Look around and name three things you see. Grounding brings your attention back to the present moment and away from the borrowed worry.

Limit exposure when you can. If a particular person drains you repeatedly, consider shorter interactions or meeting in more neutral settings. You do not have to cut them off. You can set limits like, “I have 15 minutes to talk today.”

Practice self-regulation afterward. Spend a few minutes alone after a tense conversation. Do something calming, like listening to music, taking a walk, or stretching. Your nervous system needs time to reset.

Get support for yourself. If your own anxiety is high, you will absorb more of other people’s. Working with a therapist on your own anxiety can make you more resilient to emotional contagion.

None of these strategies are proven in large clinical trials specifically for secondhand anxiety. But they are commonly recommended by mental health professionals and are based on well-established principles of anxiety management and cognitive behavioral therapy.

When to see a professional

Occasional secondhand anxiety is normal and manageable. But if you find that your mood and functioning are affected most of the time, or if you are avoiding relationships to escape emotional overload, it may be time to talk to a therapist.

Signs that professional help is warranted include: persistent physical symptoms like stomach problems or headaches that do not have a medical cause, trouble sleeping, feeling constantly on edge, withdrawing from people you care about, or feeling hopeless about your ability to cope.

A therapist can help you strengthen emotional boundaries, work through past patterns that make you vulnerable, and develop coping skills tailored to your situation. Therapy is not about fixing you. It is about giving you tools so other people’s anxiety no longer controls your own.