[ If you would like Dinny’s advice, e-mail your letter to Forgive@HBMag.com. ]
Dear Forgive Coach:
I am sick and tired of hearing the phrase “everything happens for a reason” spin around in my head!
On the one hand I can’t imagine what the reason could be for me to find myself so incredibly miserable right now; and on the other hand, if I could only find the reason for all of this, then maybe I’d stop feeling this way and I could get on with a happy life! It seems so unfair, and I just want to figure it out and escape the miserable situation I am in. I am an artist, and my husband and I have worked together for over five years, creating art for various organizations and foundations. We are just beginning to get known and sought after, and I just found out that he has had a girlfriend for a couple of YEARS and wants to leave me but wants me to continue being his business partner since our work together is so integrated with each other’s talents! I hate him and want to say no, but I also love him and I want him to see how much he needs me so I can win him back. Why could this be happening, why would he cheat on me and ruin what we have? – CK
I see the dilemma you find yourself in and I can feel how uncomfortable you are, so the last thing I want to say is that everything happens for a reason; but I’m sure you know that is what I am about to say! The reason is not black and white and it also isn’t meant to be a punishment. There is no way that your loving spiritual guidance system wants you to feel punished. Sometimes, however, it is important to feel pain so that you will wake up to the truth of who you really are. Once you do this, then you see that in terms of Radical Forgiveness there is nothing to forgive because the truth has actually set you free! It just so happens that at this point of the process you do not feel free, you feel trapped.
First, I suggest you take a quick scan of past relationships to identify that you have been let down before. You most likely always put all you have into a relationship, including finances and hard work, expecting that you will once and for all “be enough” and then be loved. This time, you really have gone all out. Your hard work has made you a valuable piece to a successful business, and it still isn’t enough! He wants you for that, but not as a partner. How much more painful could it be?
It is now time for you to see the value and the beauty of who you really are. You are enough and your priority right now is to see that. Your husband brought you a lesson you can no longer ignore. Your marriage might survive, but for now focus on yourself. Figure out why you don’t put yourself first. Practice some self forgiveness. You can be a successful artist on your own if it comes to that. Find your strength, live it and then see who shows up to share your beauty with you. No one can truly see you as beautiful and talented until you do!
Dinny Evans is a Certified Radical Forgiveness and Radical Manifestation Coach. She has been working with the Institute for Radical Forgiveness and Colin Tipping since 2007. To find out more about her coaching practice, her workshops and support groups, visit www.forgivecoach.com.