Q
Dear Jen,
I’m recently divorced and haven’t dated for 20 years. I am very nervous to date again. What advice can you give me? It is normal to be nervous and chances are your date will be nervous too.
A
Confidence is key in dating. Make sure you look and feel your best before you get started. Buy a new ‘date outfit’ so you feel like a million bucks when you walk in, or maybe you want to have a make over for a new look.
The timing will never be perfect, so it’s important to just get started. Meet as many people as possible in the beginning. This will help you become less nervous, as well as help you learn what types of people you are drawn to and what’s important to you. If you’re not sure how to meet singles in your area, you may want to check out a dating service.
Getting to know your passions and what is important to you is great so you can share this with potential partners, as well as be clear and confident in what you’re looking for. The conversation should be light, fun and positive.
Choose dates that are low pressure like lunch or coffee and this will help keep your nerves in check. Your first date should be somewhere that you can engage in conversation and to get to know each other.
My best advice is to get out there, start dating and before you know it, you will be in the dating game again and your nervousness will be a thing of the past.
Jenifer Rose, Owner of It’s Just Lunch ® Personalized Dating Service is also the Creator and Producer of The Plush Life on Channel 2, Sundays @ 5:30 pm. Listen to Jenifer on The Buzz 1270 am on Sundays at 11:00 am. Her live radio show “Skirted Issues” covers dating, relationship, intimacy and romance topics.
One of my primary concerns for this reader is, “has the necessary healing taken place” since the divorce and has enough time passed to gain a balance before re-entering the dating world?
What brought the divorce on? Is the current dating a “rebound effect” wherein the reader may be in danger of using the first dating relationships as a means of getting over the divorce? Transitional relationships can be rough going, so I’d be desireous of doing some exploratory work to see what’s going on so the reader has a running start “out there” again.
Derrick,
This is a great point! There is a difference between going out there, meeting people and having fun so that you’re not sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself and jumping into a another serious relationship. I agree that the “necessary healing” has to take place before a new relationship should begin. However, getting out, being social, and getting comfortable being single should be a healthy experience for most people.