Written By Dr. Tory Clark |
Imagine this: King Arthur takes Guinevere as his Queen. Later, when Guinevere takes a liking to one of Arthur’s ravishing young knights, Sir Lancelot, she and Arthur invite him into a relationship in which they share Guinevere’s companionship. The three have a meeting at the Round Table and propose a set of ground rules by which they all must strictly adhere to. Arthur gets to spend quality time with her on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Lancelot spends time with her on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. On Sunday, half the day is spent with King Arthur and the other half with Lancelot. Both men are entitled to have sexual relations with Guinevere and it is forbidden for either of the men to encroach upon the other’s scheduled quality time with her. The trio resides in the same castle, share their wealth, and fight battles side by side.
This example is quite opposite of the Disney cartoons that most of us were raised on: one man, one woman, happily ever after. However Polyamory, which is a term coined in 1990, means loving more than one. People who choose to engage in Polyamory have multiple, intimate, and consensual relationships with emphasis on honesty, communication and emotional commitment. Most people who practice Polyamory begin from the premise that one partner cannot meet all of their needs. A common belief is that love is not a limited resource only reserved for one person; rather, it is abundant and can be shared between more than one partner.
Polyamory is not for everyone and definitely takes a lot of time and attention. It is probably not a good idea to try Polyamory if: you are dissatisfied with your current relationship, you think it will “save” your relationship, it is the cool thing to do or for more sex. Be honest with yourself: Can you imagine your partner being sexually or emotionally involved with another person? Could you handle it? How available are you? Are you an excellent communicator (communication is even more of a necessity in that it involves more than just one person!)? Make a list of the benefits vs. challenges and discuss them with your partner. Additionally, define your sexuality and relationships on your own terms. I am not a big fan when it comes to “labeling” people’s sexuality and their sexual behaviors. The trouble with labels is that they can mean many different things to many different people. For most, the beauty of Polyamory is that it frees them from arbitrary lines and limits, so why construct new ones?
References:
1.Easton, D., & Liszt, C. A. The Ethical Slut:
A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities (2ndnd ed.). Celestial Arts. Berkeley, 2009.
2. Polyamory FAQ. In Loving More.
Retrieved May 9, 2011, from http://www.lovemore.com/faq.php
3. Taormino, T. Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships. Cleis Press. San Francisco, 2008.
For more info, contact Dr. Tory Clark at 775-843-9593.
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