by Ffjorren Zolfaghar |
Unconditional love: A love that has no boundaries or limits. A love that is complete, the dictionary definition. If this is true, then what happens when that love goes away like when we lose a child, sibling or parent? There is much negativity and anguish wrapped around the idea of losing love or a loved one. But if unconditional love is the be-all end-all of love, the highest rank within the love category, then how could we ever truly lose it? It is at that point in which we may look toward a powerful set of convictions for our answers, those being our faith.
If you are Buddhist, you might say that loving something is being able to let go because it was never yours to begin with. A person who is close to you is not your possession. They are beings that exist with you. If the love you share is a higher form of love, then it will only bring happiness throughout the cycle of life, including death. It should not bring pain or sorrow. In fact, that is the opposite of the “Ultimate Love,” which is the enlightened state of love in the Buddhist realm. It is love without attachment.
Attachment is similar to possession. For example, if you lost your cell phone, your laptop or your wallet you would probably get upset. Some of us might even cry. From the Buddhist standpoint, those items are only material possessions. Many of us give our material objects importance, hence we become attached to them. Therefore, when we lose these items our emotions and feelings are involved and we become angry, upset or sad.
If similar negative feelings overwhelm your senses after death takes someone close to you, then you have created an attachment with that person as well. The Buddhist view would prompt you to move forward with peace and relish in the life they lived and will experience once again. If you lose a person to a break-up or divorce, the same would hold true. If that person found happiness with someone else or something else, then it becomes a winning point for humanity.
It might be difficult to imagine forgiving someone for infidelity because they found happiness with someone besides yourself, but the Buddhist path directs each of us toward empathy for all. It is a way of looking at life or love as a global community that feeds on compassion from all who reside there. The common ground of achievement is to partake in actions that will create serenity for all within this non-inherent existence.
This ideology is positive and seems to breed an awareness of kinship and trust. However, if you believe in the Christian God, you might not agree with all of the Buddhist attributes. According to St. John, “God is love.” In one of C.S. Lewis’ books titled, “The four loves,” he categorizes love into Affection, Friendship, Eros and Charity. Although each stands alone, they all intertwine. They also obtain two distinctive love qualities: Gift love and Need love.
He describes Gift love as the love that motivates a person to act in ways that will benefit the well-being of his or her family, that being work or planning for the future. Need love is that which sends a person to a loved one’s arms when they are lonely or frightened. Lewis compared Gift love to Divine love or Godly love. He shows this through an example of the Father giving to the Son, who gives Himself to the World and in giving to the World, gives back to the Father and so on. What is interesting about this concept is its relationship to Buddhism. If a Godly or Christian love is giving yourself to the world, to your creator and to yourself, then your actions toward love and compassion are universal. There are differences within each religion, however the main goal for both leans toward an all-encompassing love.
Christian love also teaches you to feel blessed in that our loved ones have a better place waiting for them after their life here on earth. Although Buddhists do not believe in the theory of heaven and hell, they do believe in an ongoing existence, similar to the Christian soul. Actually, if you take a look at most other religions, spiritual paths, mysticisms or faith-based ideologies, you will find that the common denominator is universal love and peace.
Next month, we’ll venture into the romantic “loves” in our lives. As always, if you’d like to share your love story, simply email Ffjorren@hbmag.com
References:
Lewis, C.S. The four loves. Harcourt Books, 1960.
Dalai Lama. Hopkins, Jeffrey. How to see yourself as you really are. Atria Books, 2006.
Encyclopedic Edition. The New Lexicon Webster’s Dictionary of the English Language, 1987.
This article is part of a series, see February and March 2010 issues. To contact Ffjorren email at ffjorren@hbmag.com.
