Feelings of Resentment

by Dana Anderson, MFT | 

Q: I’m not ready for fall. I didn’t get to do what I wanted this summer. It seems like everyone else had their summer vacation and I didn’t. As a mother and wife I’m feeling resentment.

A: It sounds as if you didn’t get vacation time, and that’s causing the resentment. When we don’t take care of ourselves there can be a backlash of anger that has nothing to do with the people or the circumstances, it more has to do with the fact that we didn’t take time for ourselves.

One of the wonderful things about living in the Reno/Tahoe area is that there are fabulous opportunities for weekend fun, and even day fun. Vacation time is important for rejuvenating the mind, body and soul. Try spending a day at Lake Tahoe. Play hooky, go during the week, and beat the crowds. We should all try it once in a while. It is liberating and exciting, which are feelings that alleviate stress. In September the lake is at its very warmest, so do not let the idea of fall prevent you from taking advantage of this truly stunning place.
Another cause for these feelings could be school starting, even if you don’t have children. Everything gets amped up a notch, and you can feel it. This can cause anxiety, which leads to stress. How do we deal with this? By slowing down. My mantra for everyone is to “slow down, and take things one at a time.”

Also, remember to take time for yourself. Resentment is the ugly shadow side of care giving.
Most of the time caregivers don’t realize they have needs and desires because it is so engrained in them to put others first. Many times I hear them say, “I feel selfish”. When you don’t express your own needs repressed anger can result. Unexpressed anger leads to illness, addictions, eating disorders and general depression. Many of these people come in with a feeling of dissatisfaction, low self-esteem, mild hopelessness and a lot of repressed anger. Society expects caregivers to not show anger, so it gets swept under the rug. For those feeling this way it is important to learn how to set boundaries that allow your own needs to be met. If you relate seek a professional who can sort through the difficulties of setting healthy boundaries. I wish you well.

Many blessings,
Dana Anderson, MFT