by Terry Lowey, MFT |
Fear keeps us from running into oncoming traffic, stepping off the edge of a cliff, or picking up the fascinatingly decorated rattlesnake coiled on the rock. Then again, fear might also quash our dreams by paralyzing our initiative. At which point does it keep you from fully experiencing life and becoming creatively and brilliantly genuine?
Martha Beck, author, life coach and writer for Oprah magazine, differentiates between “clean pain” and “dirty pain.” The former is what we feel when a life trauma occurs and we grieve, in order to heal and move through it. The latter is “the tangle of destructive thoughts that often follow.”
Dirty pain is either about the past or the future and is said to cause unnecessary suffering. For example, if we are healthy, life losses will generate feelings of sadness and melancholy; that is considered clean pain.
If our minds begin to drift into a litany of negative predictions about ourselves and our future, we have then crossed over to the dirty side of pain. Borrowing from these apt designations, we will distinguish clean fear from dirty fear. Clean fear scurries us to the storm cellar when a tornado is approaching or urges us to keep our baby away from the second story window ledge.
It reminds us not to stand too close to the warmth of the fire or to the edge of the rushing current of the river. Clean fear senses limits that would put us in danger and instinctively advises us in an alternate direction. It, quite literally, can keep us alive and in one piece.
Physiologically, humans go into a fight, flight or freeze mode when confronted with potentially hazardous situations. It could be supported that the less dirty fear you carry with you, the more quickly and effectively you are likely to respond to traumatic situations.
Dirty fear is pure excess baggage. It becomes catastrophic when the brain instantaneously produces large and vibrant pictures, words and sounds of worst-possible outcomes. For most of us, our creativity in this capacity could put Steven Speilberg to shame!
Dirty fear is polluted. It does not stick with the facts at hand, yet embellishes them with a toxic twist at every turn. It cranks the dial on our fear meter way up, often overwhelming us. Our minds cannot tell the difference between a real fear and a fabricated one. If we believe the fear to be true, our whole body reacts accordingly. At this point one could be described as being reactive instead of taking the more reasoned course of simply taking action. In this sense, taking action is “clean.” Being reactive is “dirty” with all kinds of unnecessary, imaginary attachments that trail along, weigh us down and pull us off-course.
Spiritual mentors from Ekhart Tolle to Thich Nhat Hahn remind us that “People sacrifice the present for the future. But life is available only in the present.” The current economic climate elevated the fears of millions. Clean fear sticks with the facts, encouraging us to pay attention. Some people will make alterations in their spending habits and others will even be prompted to look for exceptional opportunities. If, in spite of
their best effort, a person encounters a loss such as that of a home, clean fear will usher them through grief and mourning while engendering hope in a fresh start.
Hopelessness only ensues when dirty fear spins its web of negative projections on the perils of an uncertain future. Apply this model to each life situation you experience; even earthquakes, oil spills or any disastrous occurrence. Expect the best (believe in a positive future). Prepare for the worst (prepare to the best of your ability and be comfortable in knowing you have done that).
Work tirelessly to develop the quality of resilience no-matter-what.
Local pastor, the Reverend Sandy Jacob, spoke to her congregation on Easter Sunday morning. She related the fitting story of the resurrection to remind her audience that the stone in front of the tomb represents life’s difficulties. The stone being rolled away represents the lesson that those obstacles don’t have to entomb us.
Reverend Michael Bernard Beckwith, author, speaker and pastor of a fellowship in Los Angeles, reminds us not to wait until our fear is gone to proceed into what we wish to create, but to pack up our fear and take it with us. He asserts that once this becomes our practice the energy of the fear will be transformed into enthusiasm and our joy will increase.
These sentiments are echoed by accomplished author and speaker Barbara DeAngelis. Prior to speaking engagements, she leaves the fearful part of her that lacks confidence and has only negative undertones to offer, off stage, promising to pick it back up after her presentation. She does not allow her “dirty fear” to stop her. In terms of public speaking, which is said to be the largest fear common to humans, “clean fear” can get the adrenalin pumping which adds to the enthusiasm of the performance.
Like the admonition to get back on the horse that bucked us off, it is not our fear that is the problem so much as the degree to which we allow the volume of it to affect us in a limiting way. Dirty fear produces victims. The good news is that we can slowly-but-surely learn to discern the dark fears from those compelled to protect us. At that point, we can take action in ways that create the most potential for positive outcomes in each moment and hope for a bright and abundant future. This is a practiced skill that can be learned. It can change your life.
Sage understanding calls us to remember to “light a candle instead of cursing the darkness.”
