by Dinny Evans |
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” When allowing outside sources to control your feelings and emotions, you become the victim.
Allowing yourself to become the victim is a problem that Radical Forgiveness (RF), a tool used by an RF coach, addresses. Affirmations such as, “everything is perfect exactly as it is” will not lead to forgiveness. Changes must be made and steps must be taken within yourself. These tools help one get to a point where one can give up being the victim. It is a matter of perspective; begin by viewing an uncomfortable or unpleasant situation as happening for a reason, one that will lead to personal growth and empowerment. Once the situation can be viewed as a learning experience rather than a victimization RF begins. The forgiveness occurs when it is realized that there is nothing to forgive.
RF challenges you to take full responsibility for every situation that you find yourself in. Taking responsibility does not mean transferring the blame onto your self. You may notice that the situations you find yourself in could have been unconsciously created by you. Take this as an opportunity to heal and grow. You will find that by taking responsibility, blame cannot exist. The further challenge is in accepting that there are no exceptions to this rule.
Traditional Forgiveness (TF) gives you the opportunity to let “bygone’s be bygone’s,” accept the situation and the conditions then move on. The truth is that it is nearly impossible to really forgive under these circumstances. “Stuffing feelings under the rug” does not mean that they will not re-surface at some point; it takes Radical Forgiveness techniques to truly heal. Using just TF, the rug will eventually be pulled back and there will lie the uncomfortable and often ugly thoughts, creating resentment. In an attempt to reach traditional forgiveness, stuffing under the rug can create blocks that have been linked to disease.
RF moves deeper. Reaching full acceptance means truly believing that everything has happened for a reason. Have you ever looked back on an occurrence that seemed truly horrible at the time it was happening and realized something far better came out of the situation? That is the core of Radical Forgiveness. At some point, see why something happened and know it turned out better. Then move towards finding the perfection of the event and you will move through the situation that much faster. Once perspective is changed, the bigger picture is revealed.
Having a shift in perception in the long run can be remarkably freeing. Experiencing the circumstances of life without blame provides a new and revitalizing view of the world, one that is incredibly more joyful.
References:
- Radical Forgiveness Making Room for the Miracle by Colin Tipping
- Stanford Forgiveness Projects: www.learningtoforgive.com
- Healing with Love by Leonard Laskow, M.D.
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