Contrast (the difference between what you want and what you have) is necessary in order for you to get real clear about what you really do want. If there was no contrast, how would you know what you prefer?

Preferences are being born within you every moment as you walk through life. Identifying what you want to do, and who you want to interact with is easy. It’s determined by how you feel when you think about it. Does it feel good or bad? Your built-in emotional guidance system will tell you what you really want–then it’s up to you to consciously take action to make that happen. But, getting clear about what you want is the first step.

For many years, you may have been told that you can’t have what you want because you can’t afford it, or because you don’t have the smarts, the training or the necessary opportunities. They’ve said you might as well “settle for” what you have and stop making yourself miserable by wanting something different. Society, culture or family may have programmed you to believe that what you want is really out of reach.

But is it? Can you see yourself doing it? Can you feel how you would feel if you were living it? Thoughts are things, and beam out beyond our bony skulls to affect everything around us–especially thoughts accompanied by emotion. They attract to us the people, conditions and situations that can make our dream come true or prevent it from ever coming true. However, most of us engage in such chaotic thinking that we’re sending out opposite signals instead of focused intentions of what we really want. Our thoughts are mostly disorganized, flitting from one subject to another and therefore attracting more chaos and disorganization.

We think about 50,000 thoughts each day, but they’re almost always the same thoughts. As a result, we create the same day over and over. In the process, our lives go by, while we experience mostly boredom or mediocrity. If you don’t like what’s going on in your life right now, you can begin to change it by consciously focusing on what you do want–by pivoting your mind to a clear picture of what you want to experience, instead of thinking the same old thoughts, telling the same old stories or focusing on what you don’t like about your life.

That emotion you feel when you’re thinking unhappy thoughts is your emotional guidance system clicking in. That discord, that feeling of frustration or aggravation is telling you what’s coming! The emotions you feel in response to your thoughts are a quick clue to what you’re attracting, and therefore what will be showing up in your life, depending on how often you think those thoughts. Wow! A built-in guidance system you’ve had all your life, but didn’t know how to use? Well, better to know about this late than never!

Okay, so how do I change what I’m attracting? Change your thoughts. Decide on a goal so juicy and delicious that when you think of it, it’s strong enough to override the usual tapes that repeat in your head. Focus on it; smell it; feel it, hear it, see it. Use colors and shapes, spatial relationships, and feel how it would feel to experience it! Remember, desire is the engine, but emotion is the fuel. Use positive emotion to attract your dream even faster. Regularly pivot your mind to what you do want, focus on it as often as possible every day and leave the complaining and negative stories behind. Appreciate the positive qualities, situations and people in your life now. And take some physical action every day to make your dream come true. Some little (or big) action that will propel you further along on the track toward what you want.

If you’re really serious about reaching your goals, you’ll have to leave most distractions behind. Are you watching too much TV, associating with negative people, overeating or drinking too much? Those are all immediate gratification, or “habit” distractions. Leave the “bread and circuses” behind. Focus only on what you want, appreciate the positives in your life and take action every day.

The following story is a perfect example of someone who made a fabulous life out of a miserable start:

An out-of-work and broke actor once drove to the top of the hill that overlooks Hollywood. As he gazed over the movie lots, he reminisced about his hard life as a teenager, when he went to high school in the daytime and then worked as a janitor in a factory at night. Then there was the time his family was forced from their home and had to live out of a VW camper van. He refocused his attention into the present moment, and then did something really provocative: he wrote himself a check for ten million dollars! On it he wrote, “For services rendered as an actor” and forward-dated it five years. He then carried that check with him everywhere to remind himself of his goal, and then simply got on with doing what he loved most: acting!

Five years later, on the very date that he had written on his check, that young actor was earning well beyond ten million for each film that he starred in. And the name on that check? Jim Carrey.

Not everyone is into millions of dollars or lots of bling, but you can use the same tools he did to reach your goal. Just decide what you want, focus on the goal instead of the negatives, appreciate your talents and abilities, take some action toward your dream every day, and you can be, do and have what you want too!

References:

1.  Harrington, Paul. The Secret to Teen Power. Simon and Schuster. 2009.

2.  Hicks, Esther and Jerry. Ask and It Is Given: Learning to Manifest Your Desires. Hay House. 2005.

I know, I know. It is February, the month of love and Valentine’s Day. So, why am I writing about the right time to end a relationship?

This is the perfect time to clarify what you want in your relationship. Valentine’s Day can offer you an opportunity to pause and reflect more deeply on your life. Either affirm your intention to enjoy and celebrate your relationship, or get straight with yourself and your partner that your relationship is not working, and it is time to end it.

Maybe you simply aren’t sure one way or the other. So, how do you know which way to go? Love has us experience an intense physical attraction, changes in our brain chemistry, and a profound psychological state of longing for the other person. In our ancestral past, love served to ensure that we would mate, conceive, and stay together in a harsh environment long enough to care for our weak and dependent offspring. So are our relationships and experience of love today only dictated by this ancient chemistry?

Artists, psychologists, writers, philosophers, and the rest of humanity, have been trying to define love for as long as we have felt it. We know that we can have familial love, platonic love, religious love, and we can create love–love for our country, our career, our community, and others. Greeks managed to define “what is love” into four types: agape: unconditional love; eros: passionate love; philia: love and loyalty for your friends, family and community; and storge: natural affection for your family.

So what are we talking about when we talk about “falling in love”?

Most popular songs croon about it, half of our books and films obsess over it, and everybody wants it. Most of us have had the experience that on one hand, falling in love can lift us up; on the other, it can destroy us.

Psychologists describe this kind of falling in love as having three components: desire, passion, and intimacy.  In order to move from “falling in love” into a thriving, successful relationship I assert there are two more elements needed commitment and compatibility.  Commitment is deciding, dedicating, applying, devoting and promising to create a thriving successful relationship. Compatibility means having affinity, closeness, harmony, rapport, and empathy for the other person. The long term success of experiencing love in your relationship will be in direct proportion to being committed to, and compatible with, the person that you have fallen in love with.

This brings us back to the question, “When is it time to end a relationship?” First and foremost, your relationship should add to the quality of your life. If you are ambivalent about your relationship, it means your relationship is sick. How sick is it?

I highly recommend that couples ask themselves these questions:

1. Are you fighting most of the time? Do you feel continuously frustrated about your relationship? (This is not about whose fault it is–are you unhappy more than you are happy in this relationship?)
2. Do you have goals that are incompatible? If there is no resolution to your incompatible goals then it will be impossible for you to have a fulfilling relationship no matter how much you love them. Example: If you want children and your partner doesn’t, your relationship is headed for trouble.
3. Are you being abused mentally (your partner is constantly telling you that you are a failure, no good, belittling you, etc.); emotionally (is your partner routinely cold or angry, yelling, calling you names, not respecting you or your boundaries, etc.); or physically (does your partner threaten violence, strike you, throw things, etc.).  If you answer yes to any part of this question, I highly recommend that you end this relationship. Being in an abusive relationship will cost you your self-worth, and could possibly cost you your life.
4. Are you finding more reasons to spend time apart, and more pleasure being apart than together?
5. Are you changing your core values, beliefs and goals to accommodate your partner, or to please them? Are you living in hope that your relationship will stop being problematic?
6. Are you constantly changing your appearance to please your partner–hoping they will approve of you, or find you attractive?
7. Can you communicate without bickering, arguing or fighting? Is there respect and listening in your relationship?
8. Do you have fun and mutual dreams for the future with your partner?
9. Are you habitually chasing after your partner with no reciprocity? Do you have a growing feeling of emptiness about your life?

When you ask yourself these questions, you can see if your relationship is enhancing your life, or draining it. At the very least, you should be happier in your relationship than outside of it.

A sick relationship can be worked on and transformed. However, both partners need to be willing to commit to work on it and put in the effort. If one partner in the relationship does not admit or recognize the problem that the other partner has brought up, finding a solution will be nearly impossible. It is essential to any healthy relationship that each person in the relationship be able to see and understand their partner’s point of view or side of the argument. This willingness and ability will allow for greater affinity, love, and understanding in the relationship.

Often, when someone has strong feelings of love for their partner they think it is better to ignore the problems in the relationship. Usually the problems get worse. Eventually the problems will have to be dealt with, or the people in the relationship will be miserable. Don’t wait for the problems in your relationship to get severe enough to show you that the relationship is over–that is the hard way to do it. You can love someone and not have it be in your best interest to stay in the relationship. Is your relationship enhancing your life?

One last thought: Don’t let yourself be confused about whether or not you should leave your current relationship, with whether or not you might find a new relationship. If it’s clear that your current relationship should end, as painful as it might be, have the courage to end it–endings always offer up new beginnings.

“Relationships – of all kinds – are like sand held in your hand.
Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is.
The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers.
You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled.
A relationship is like that.
Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact.
But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.”  Kilem Hasmate

References:

1. Richo, David. How to Be an Adult in Relationships: the Five Keys to Mindful Loving. Shambhala. 2002.

2. Kirshenbaum, Mira. Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay. Plume. 1997.

Is it true that as a culture we are suffering from a lack of true commitment in our intimate relationships? One could look at the divorce rate, estimated to be as high as 50 percent, or recent statistics that show more couples are choosing to live together than to marry. Could the reasoning for the latter be to facilitate an easier exit, generated by an apathetic attitude about whether the relationship works or not: a sort of easy-come-easy-go lethargy? Well, yes, that is one possibility of intent. It could very well be that these statistics reflect more superficial unions that are not given serious consideration and dedication. Maybe we are not the nation of nose-to-the-grindstone, focused, motivated, deeply committed people we once were, like during “the greatest generation.”

Then again, maybe it is not that black and white. Perhaps one significantly positive angle on this is that fear and judgment are just a bit less influential in our choices than they used to be. It is hard to imagine that the low divorce rate of 100 years ago was an absolute mirror reflection of multitudes of happy, healthy marriages. There is no question that social mores served as a harsh accuser, rendering the option of questioning or altering our commitments far less desirable–even damning.

Some would argue that our enhanced freedom to choose whether or not we remain in an intimate relationship has caused more harm than good, resulting in increased instability and social ills. Again, there is ample evidence to support this dismal viewpoint.

At the same time, if you look very closely, you may be able to recognize that the current relationship trends have the potential to embody compelling positive aspects. We may be moving toward being more “inner” than “outer” directed. That disposition, when combined with deep compassion for self and others, can result in even unimaginable positive outcomes, such as a “peace that passes understanding.”

For example, a marriage or partnership dissolution sometimes puts an end to generations-long, intractable patterns of discord, or even abuse that only served to weaken its participants. Other times, the perception of dedicated commitment is a façade, and one or both of the couple is not willing to be disingenuous any longer.

Commitment does fortify whatever is its focus. It is a fundamentally necessary ingredient for personal and collective accomplishment and stability. It has been said that “the unexamined life is not worth living.” It may be equally true that the unexamined commitment may be stagnant, inflexible, and not in our highest good. The natural arrhythmia of an optimally functioning human heart is believed to allow flexibility for the ebb and flow of changing physical conditions. So do humans function most efficiently when routinely re-evaluating the nature of what they are committed to and making adjustments as needed?

Healthy commitment begs the questions: Am I acquiescing to a “should” not of my own making, determined by others whose guidance and moral compass is only equal to my own? Am I constricting to make myself fit with the confines of this commitment? Or, am I authentically choosing, lifting my vision up like a giraffe to soak in the wide-angle view, and to choose who and what I will be committed to accordingly? It is about going into the unchartered territory of less programing and increased consciousness. Just maybe, we have untapped potential for making things infinitely better that was unavailable to discern until we learned to tune in to and trust our internal guidance. For most of us, this is an acquired skill that requires serious consideration to develop.

“Perhaps we are always looking for the secret, the gold-mine, the G-spot because we are afraid of the real G-word: Growth – and the energy it requires of us.” - Author Kelly Bryson

Like every other facet of life on our spectacular planet, our commitments are in a state of flux and require conscious re-evaluation and fine-tuning. Is your commitment worth the effort?

May your process, wherever it is taking you, bring you abundant love and light through the power of your authentic and heart-felt commitments.

References:

1. Weil, Andrew, MD. Spontaneous Happiness. Little, Brown and Company. 2011.

2. Bryson, Kelly, MFT. Don’t Be Nice, Be Real. Elite Books. 2010.

3. Burns, David D., MD. Intimate Connections. New American Library. 1985.

The older I get, the faster time seems to progress. It was just New Year’s Day 2012, and it seems like just a short time ago it was New Year’s Day 2011. Intellectually, I know that there have been many days in-between, and yet, in terms of memories and feelings, it was just yesterday. What accounts for this time warp that I have heard many older people describe as well?

Towards the end of his life Carl Jung reflected that his memories were whittled down to the experiences that most profoundly impacted his life and his understanding of himself. The extraneous particulars and chronological sequences faded into the background, while the events of spiritual and psychological significance rose like islands above an ever-moving sea.

Our lives on this earth are temporary, just a grain of sand on the ocean shores of eternity. What is time to you or me? So many tics on a clock or years passing by? Do these things really mean that much to us in the end? It seems that they don’t since this very linear sense of time crumbles, like a sand castle among the waves, the older we get.

Time is the river that both forms and reveals the landscape of your true self. Time is the heartbeat of your soul.

Reviewed for Healthy Beginnings Magazine By June Milligan, M.Ed., CCHt |

Paul Harrington is the producer of the phenomenally successful movie “The Secret.” The movie went viral and became a worldwide sensation, with no advertising except word of mouth. Paul’s daughter then asked her dad to do something for teens, to be written in their language and to present examples of teen successes they could relate to. This book is the result.

After the movie became such a success, and messages from people all over the world who were using the Law of Attraction began to pour into the website, the author began collecting letters from teenagers. A big part of this book is personal success stories from students age thirteen through nineteen.  The power of your thoughts, attitudes, beliefs and expectations attract to you the people, conditions and situations that you are experiencing. As a teenager you may think you don’t have much control over your life, and it is true that you’re still dependent upon your folks for shelter, most of your food and even most of your physical freedom. But within those parameters, you make most of your own choices.  And you have the freedom to think what you choose 24/7.

Some chapters in this book include What’s the Big Secret, The Secret Made Simple, How to Use the Secret, Powerful Processes, The Secret to Money and the Secret to Relationships. Each chapter gives down-to-earth processes, examples and quotes regarding these subjects. In fact, the processes in this book are much simpler and easier to understand than the ones in Rhonda Byrne’s book, The Secret. I feel that if adults read this book first, it would serve as an excellent introduction to the Law of Attraction.

For instance, in the chapter How to Use the Secret, the author explains that when you ask for what you want, you’re basically placing an order. Then it’s important to believe that it’s coming your way. How do you make yourself believe? By acting as if you already have whatever it is you want. A belief is just a thought repeated over and over, so pretend your desires are already here. The more you do this, the more you really believe it. Now you’re ready to receive it. And when you feel the way you would feel when you finally do get whatever it is you want: that is the key. The desire is the engine but the emotion, the feeling is the fuel. So, you ask and believe through your thoughts, but you receive through your actions. When you get the impulse to act, you’ll take inspired action, and that makes all the difference. Martin Luther King said, “Take the first step in faith.  You don’t have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step.”

The author explains that so many people live for tomorrow instead of today. It’s as if life begins when you get your driver’s license, or when you graduate or move away from your parents. It is all when, when, when…but that’s not living today. A huge part of the secret is that all of your power is concentrated today, in this moment, this very instant, right now. What you think about the most, or focus on the most right now, will turn up as your life in the future. It’s like “payback from not so way back.” In other words, you can’t be angry and frustrated today and expect things to improve tomorrow. Focus on today, feel good now, and be clear about what you want for the future, because that’s the only way your dreams of tomorrow come true.

Paul Harrington says, “Teens around the world need to understand the power they have over their own destiny so they can go confidently out into the world and create a life that’s nothing short of a masterpiece!” This book is an excellent first step to realizing your dreams.

Have you heard the phrase “fear of commitment”? What comes to mind? Typically, it congers up images of an individual who chooses to remain detached from serious involvement with another, either emotionally, physically, financially or all-together.

One word stands out in Webster’s definition of “commit”: ENTRUST. It would not be difficult to make a case for reticence to commit tracing back to a lack of trust. And if it is true that our fears are really originating in us rather than in anything outside of us, we can further deduce that fear of commitment symbolizes a lack of trust in ourselves. Author Stephen M.R. Covey writes, “Often we make commitments to ourselves–such as setting goals or making New Year’s resolutions–that we fail to fulfill.  As a result, we come to feel that we can’t even fully trust ourselves. If we can’t trust ourselves, we’ll have a hard time trusting others. This personal incongruence is often the source of our suspicions of others.”

Believe it or not, that is the good news, for whatever is within us is ours to seek and discover, to unravel and endeavor to shift. That brand of fear, after all, is life-constricting in the personal limitations it imposes.

There is an understandable pause in the consideration of commitment, as “committing to one path in life carries with it occasional grieving about what was not chosen.” Maybe we bristle at the thought of limiting our options? There are two contrasting components to commitment; dedication and constraint. If there is personal passion in the dedication, it drives us forward, even joyfully and energetically toward our objective. Like having a “runners high,” we pursue with exuberance.

Perhaps where we struggle is with the concept of constraint. If I am committed to this, then I can neither do nor have that. If I am committed to being in good physical shape, then there are “sacrifices” I may need to make, like not giving into my heart’s desire of sitting in front of the television 12 hours a day eating Twinkies. If I am committed to monogamy with this partner then I deny myself the pleasure of physical intimacy with others. “Commitment and the value of choice as expressed in our culture are often in a fundamental conflict.  You cannot commit to one thing or person while keeping all of your choices open to you.  Commitments go against the grain of our culture because commitments come with limits.  Many people don’t want to accept limits.” After all, don’t we want our lives to be completely full, unfettered, out of the box and downright limitless?!

Paradoxically, the act of sincere commitment might be just the way to get there. We cannot go in all directions at once or our effectiveness will be utterly diluted. Wherever you look, whatever quality of life you see around you will be a testament to what a person is committed to. Ask anyone what they are committed to and you will know more about their character than any other query could provide. Notice how consistent their life is with what they are committed to and you will have a direct window into either their happiness or their misery. Making and honoring sincere and authentic commitments, especially to our selves, is nothing less than the key to joy and fulfilling our life purpose.

Perhaps it is the very constraints/limitations that challenge us in our thirst for immediate gratification that result in propelling us into ultimately maximizing our gratification in any given situation or relationship. Gary Zukav writes in The Seat of the Soul that “authentic empowerment is not gained by making choices that do not stretch you…When a soul chooses the vertical path, when it chooses to evolve consciously through responsible choice, it becomes capable of liberating itself from its own negativities.”

Commitment provides just such opportunity for conscious development and growth. Starting out the New Year by taking a thoughtful look at the nature of your commitments could serve to be both illuminating and encouraging.

References:

1. Stanley, Scott, Ph.D. The Heart of Commitment. Thomas Nelson Publishers. 1984

2. Covey, Stephen M.R. and Merrill, Rebecca R. The Speed of Trust. FREE PRESS, a division of Simon & Schuster. 2006.

3. Zukav, Gary. The Seat of the Soul. A FIRESIDE BOOK Published by Simon & Schuster. 1989.

Three things happen when you think a thought. The first is that the vibrational frequency of that thought, like a radio signal, travels out into this energy soup we live in (which physicists call the “field of all probabilities”) and attracts back to you the people, conditions and situations that match the thought. That same thought also gives you the emotions to match, and your emotions drive your words and actions. Your words and actions then go to make up your life.

The second thing that happens when you think a thought is the vibrational frequency of that thought goes from your conscious mind into your subconscious mind. The subconscious can’t tell the difference between real and pretend, so it “thinks” that thought you’re thinking has happened again today, and gives you the emotions to match. Even if the event you’re thinking about happened years ago, or even if it’s an imagined situation of what might happen in the future, the subconscious mind sees it as happening again right now and automatically gives you the emotions to match. All of us have had the experience of remembering something, then automatically feeling the same emotions we felt back when.

The third thing that happens when you think a thought is the vibrational frequency of that thought–which is different from every other thought–floods all 50 trillion of your cells, and causes that pharmaceutical company inside your body to manufacture chemicals and hormones that match the thought. If you’re thinking happy positive thoughts your body manufactures endorphins (the pain killing hormone) and serotonin (the feel-good hormone). But, if your thoughts are negative or worried, your body manufactures cortisol (the stress hormone). Cortisol and adrenalin were not designed to be coursing through your body for more than a few moments. It was very effective when you needed to run from the saber-toothed tiger, but it’s not so effective when you just got criticized in the office or disrespected by someone you love. Why? Because it isn’t socially acceptable nowdays to run screaming down the street because you’re stressed. So you just sit where you are, trapped in the office or behind the wheel of a car–while that cortisol sits in your cells, damaging them and compromising your immune system. Using your long leg muscles to run, or using quick acupressure techniques will dissipate the cortisol and relieve your stress, but most people don’t know that. So you “tough it out,” while your body is being attacked from within.

Of course the natural reaction to the thought of being criticized or disrespected is emotional. You feel shocked or angry, resentful or sad. Then those emotions drive your words and actions. Since your “socially appropriate” filters make it unlikely that you’ll run madly around the office, out of the building and down the street, you may say things that will come back to haunt you. In the meantime your thoughts are shooting out like rockets creating a storm of negativity everywhere you go, until you somehow work the cortisol out of your system and calm down. In the meantime, your fight or flight system has logged the experience in as something you need to remember in order to “keep you safe.”  So, every time you think of it, you get the same emotions (hopefully a little less intense) that you did at the time of the actual event. Whew! What complex creatures we are. What most of us don’t know is that there’s a built-in system we’ve had since birth to soothe and calm ourselves in times of distress.

Then you drive home. Traffic seems insane. Drivers are even crazier than usual. You get cut off and you have a reaction far more intense than you would have if that earlier negative incident had never happened. Things may irritate you all evening. The kids, spouse and pets immediately get the picture, even if you don’t say anything because of the thoughts and the resulting emotions you’re silently and automatically projecting.

Thoughts are things, and they aren’t that private. We think that our bony skull is stopping our thoughts and keeping them in our heads. Nope. Just like radio and TV signals, which easily travel through walls, your thoughts are beaming out into the universe. Clairvoyants and empaths can often tell exactly what other people are thinking and feeling. And even if you haven’t developed that skill, you get “impressions” all the time about what other people are thinking, intending, expecting or even believing. You are getting “vibes,” bits of “intuition.” You are getting information that’s zooming back and forth between humans, animals and even plants. Plants?

Remember the studies that were done in the ‘80s regarding the stress that plants registered when the person standing near them was thinking of setting them on fire? Researchers from Michigan State University found that plants have a rudimentary nerve structure, which allows them to feel pain.  They seem to be capable of identifying danger, signaling that danger to other plants, and even marshaling defenses against perceived threats. Why should humans be capable of any less?

It’s time for us to realize just how powerful our thoughts are, and to begin consciously thinking about what we want rather than what we don’t want. Often, when we first learn about positive thinking or the Law of Attraction, we try it for a while then decide it doesn’t work. What most of us are doing is thinking about the absence of what we have, rather than thinking about having it, living it, enjoying it. Therefore we’re attracting more of what we don’t have. Some people call it the Law of Resonance, meaning whatever vibrational frequencies we’re sending out (what we’re thinking, expecting, and believing) we’re getting back. You can see it in your own life. What you’re afraid of trying, you don’t do. And as a result of those thoughts of somehow not being safe, either socially, emotionally or physically, should you step out and do something different, fear crops up. Fear is an unpleasant emotion, so we just don’t think about that plan anymore. We fold in upon ourselves and “settle for.” We don’t think thoughts of outrageous success or the perfect relationship or adventurous travel any more. We think “settle for” thoughts, and therefore attract to ourselves the people, conditions and situations that will help to continue our life the way it is.

We are magnificent spiritual beings–living in these amazing miracle-like bodies with the ability and free will to experience the deliciousness of being physical. We have the ability to attract what we most want–to actually manifest it, if we use some simple tools and have the courage and determination to take some small steps and learn the ropes. The first step is to be aware of our thinking, for thoughts are things and have great power.

References:

Lipton, Dr. Bruce. The Biology of Belief – Unleashing the Power of Consciousness, Matter and Miracles. Mountain of Love/Elite Books, 2005.

Pert, Dr. Candace B. Molecules of Emotion – The Science Behind Mind-Body Medicine. Simon & Schuster, 1999.

Hicks, Esther & Jerry. The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent – Living the Art of Allowing. Hay House, 2006.

Like most of us, Cheryl was searching. She was searching to find herself, her “home.” But she got lost along the way.

When a promotion at work made her more depressed rather than less, Cheryl went on an antidepressant. It helped with her sleep and gave her more energy. But it also allowed her to tolerate a job she really didn’t like. “That’s why I got depressed in the first place,” she reflected, “and why the depression just got worse when I got promoted. Deep down, I didn’t like what I was doing, but I didn’t want to admit this. The medication made my job doable, but I felt like I was a thousand miles from my home.”

So much of modern life stresses quickness and expediency. We want to take the shortest distance between our problems and their solutions, between our symptoms and their disappearance. We tend to equate symptom relief with healing, yet they are not the same. Real healing means to move towards wholeness. And you don’t become whole by moving away from your soul.

“I’m getting closer to my home,” is an uplifting verse in the Grand Funk Railroad song, “I’m Your Captain.” The song is about a man’s journey to find his spiritual home. When you follow your destiny you come closer to your home, your soul, and there is nothing more important in life than this. It is this path that develops your unique gifts and potential, brings you into relationship with those you are meant to be with, and fills your life with passion and purpose. When you make decisions in your life, the most important question you need to ask is “which path will bring me closer to my home?” When you determine that path, follow it.

Reviewed for Healthy Beginnings by

June Milligan, M.Ed., CCHt |

Wallace Wattles wrote his best known work, The Science of Getting Rich in 1910. This book followed shortly thereafter. Wattles was a contemporary of other New Thought authors, who were far ahead of their time in realizing that the vibrational frequencies of our thoughts play a large part in attracting what we want, as well as what we don’t want.

When Rhonda Byrne, the Australian producer of the movie “The Secret,” was suffering from depression in 2004, her daughter gave her a copy of The Science of Getting Rich. Rhonda had never heard of the Law of Attraction, and her research after reading that book led her to Esther and Jerry Hicks, and the vast amount of Law of Attraction work they have published. Rhonda went ahead to produce “The Secret,” which with no advertising whatsoever, went viral and is now well known all over the world.

The Science of Being Well is based on the same principles as Wallace Wattle’s first book (the power of our thoughts), with chapter titles such as “The Principle of Health,” “Use of the Will,” “Hunger and Appetites,” “Breathing,” and “Sleep.” This is a small paperback book that was republished in 2010, using the same wording and style that prevailed in the early 1900’s. The language and spelling were left in their original state, in an effort to give the full flavor of this classic work.

The author believed in the monistic theory of the universe–the theory that matter, mind, consciousness and life are all manifestations of one Substance, one energy Source and that we are part of that Source. Most healing is a result of how we are thinking (both consciously and subconsciously) about the subject, and therefore is a result of what we expect.

He gives the example of a story from the Middle Ages, which tells how the bones of a saint, kept in one of the monasteries, were working miracles of healing. On certain days, a great crowd of ailing people gathered to touch the relics, and most that did so were healed. On the eve of one of these occasions, some sacrilegious rascal gained access to the case in which the wonder-working relics were kept and stole the bones; as a result, the fathers were left with nothing to present to the crowds gathering in front of the convent. They decided to keep the matter quiet, so they went to the cellar and dug up the bones of a murderer who had been buried there many years before. They placed these bones in the case, hoping to find the thief soon and return the real relics with no one knowing the difference. But, to the intense astonishment of those in on the secret, the bones of the murderer proved as effective as those of the saint, and the healing went on as before. The conclusion drawn from this story is that all healing is activated by the patient himself, through thoughts, beliefs and expectations.

The author explains that getting well doesn’t depend on the adoption of some system or remedy; that people with your identical ailments have been “healed” by all systems and all remedies. The way one thinks about anything is determined by what he/she believes, both consciously and subconsciously, and the action that is taken to follow through on that belief.

Wattles explains that man is a form of (an extension of) Original Substance, and as a result can think original thoughts; and both within and without the human body, those thoughts have controlling or formative power. Therefore to be well, we must form a conception of perfect health, and hold those thoughts as consistently as possible.

He makes a clear distinction between hunger and appetite, regarding personal eating habits. He believes true hunger is something that is earned through activity, while appetite is a learned habit; a habit of time-of-day, a habit of taste (such as sweet or salty foods), a habit of eating out of anxiety, etc. He believes that we need to know the difference between hunger and appetite in order to have a well-functioning, healthy body.

The author gives additional suggestions regarding daily habits; he emphasizes the importance of being a self-controlling and self-directing person, consciously aware of our body’s signals and our prevailing thoughts. It is fascinating to me that many of the New Thought authors of the early 1900’s were familiar with the ideas of the Law of Attraction, and thought they were important enough to publish. It makes one wonder how these ideas could have been generally forgotten for so many years, since they are so provable.

To purchase this book, go to www.amazon.com.

Do you have a negative story you keep repeating, something you feel fully justified in re-telling? Something that makes you angry or sad every time you think of it? Then either do something about it, or hush. If you can’t do anything about it, focus on what you DO want and leave the old story in the past, where it belongs. The purpose of pivoting your mind to something pleasant is so that you will feel better. Your feelings have everything to do with what you’re attracting; you cannot feel bad and attract something good. Every thought and its accompanying emotion has a vibrational frequency, like a radio signal, and beams out in all directions, attracting the people, conditions and situations that match the thought.

Do you have a supervisor you think could win the World’s Worst Boss Contest? Then either move to another job, or use some energy techniques to defuse your anger and frustration. Continuing to stew over any negative situation simply attracts more of the same. Continuing to think about a negative situation also causes your body to manufacture cortisol, the stress hormone, which was designed to be in your cells for only a very short time. By keeping your defensive system on high alert all the time through stress, the long-term presence of cortisol damages the cells and compromises your immune system, inviting opportunistic diseases and all manner of aches and pains.

Ever notice that when you tell a negative story you feel the same emotions you felt when you first experienced it, and you also evoke those emotions from your friends or acquaintances? Then, they start in on their stories, and you’re soon in an unconscious contest to see who can out-do each other with the worst tale. If your friends really care about you, and they know that “like attracts like,” they won’t play the game. They’ll change the subject or remove themselves from your presence. Why would anyone consciously allow themselves to be brought down to a low, dense, negative vibrational level? If they care about themselves, they should run away from you as fast as possible so that they can get their own thoughts (vibrational frequencies) back on track, and continue attracting what they want, rather than what you’re dishing out.

Why do we focus on the negative? Our society seems to encourage complaining and telling sad stories. Maybe you grew up thinking it is normal, because everyone else was doing it. It’s not helpful in any way. It’s a dysfunctional habit that breeds more dysfunction. So do yourself, your family, and everyone around you, the huge favor of raising your consciousness, your vibration, your attitude, and your level of joy, so as to enhance your experience of being here in this body at this time.

You can always control your response to the actions of others. This is important because how you think about a situation evokes your emotions. Those emotions then drive your words and actions. Look back to a certain situation you’ve lived through, and follow that progression. For example, do you remember what your thoughts were at the time you were reprimanded or criticized for something? They were probably defensive, which in turn created the emotion of anger. That emotion drove your words and actions, so then you probably told the story to your co-workers, your spouse and friends. You spread it all around, making everybody uncomfortable in some way. You brought them down to your level, plus re-lived the situation over and over in the telling; bringing yourself down repeatedly because every time you told that story, a part of your subconscious mind thought it happened to you again, and gave you the emotions to match. It is a vicious cycle. We cannot tell negative stories and not have it affect our own vibrations, and therefore our own health.

Start getting creative about what you can do to improve your situation and stop telling the same old stories. Do some research. Find some way to adjust the condition, or get more schooling, or look for new opportunities and careers in different places. Change the way you’re thinking; your old programming (thoughts, beliefs and expectations) from family and culture may not be serving you any more, if it ever did. Exterior situations change constantly, and your body is also naturally in a constant state of change. So, we have to continue to change our attitudes and mental approach to life too, or we become stale, stuck and sick. Change your thinking and you change your life.

More immediately, change your thinking and you change your health. The state of your body is directly affected by the level of stress you allow yourself to experience. Do you think that you can’t control your stress, that someone else is “doing it to you?” Wrong. You choose how you respond to everything. If you find yourself enduring great stress, and if you still want to stay in the job or marriage or situation you find yourself in, you’ll need to find a way to reduce the stress, or your body will do it for you by becoming incapacitated. And it has thousands of ways to do that. Your body can’t tell you in so many words what’s happening within, so it’s going to show you by aches and pains, ailments and diseases. Don’t wait for that to happen. Either learn some stress and trauma reducing techniques, or get out of the situation.

Your present body is the only “vehicle” available to you for survival on this planet, in this atmosphere, with this particular level of air pressure and gravity. Your body is like a self-regulating space suit, carrying your spirit around. Do your body and spirit a big favor by being more positive, looking for the best, feeling appreciation, telling uplifting stories and acting like the miracle you are–an eternal spiritual being living in an awesome physical body, with 50 trillion moving parts. Enjoy every moment of this amazing life. Shrug off the small stuff and live, love, laugh and be happy. Your attitude and influence touches dozens, maybe hundreds of people each day, and automatically attracts to you more of what you’re thinking, feeling and speaking. This life is free-will-in-action, and it’s pure genius. So, get in the habit of uplifting yourself and others by telling only positive stories, and by expecting only the best.

References:

1. Hicks, Esther & Jerry.  Ask and It Is Given: Learning to Manifest Your Desires.  Hay House, 2005.

2. Berceli, David. The Revolutionary Trauma Release Process – Transcend Your Toughest Times. Namaste Publishing, Inc., 2008.

3. Wattles, Wallace D. The Science of Being Well. Spastic Cat Press, 2010. (Republished from a 1909 edition)

“My grandfather died thirty years ago, but last night I dreamed he called me on the phone. He said that he was living in Las Vegas and that I should come and join him.” At the time of the dream, the dreamer needed to make an important decision in his life. His usual approach to these situations was to be cautious, logical and rational. But the dream was challenging him to take a gamble and listen to his heart instead of his head. His growth required that he take an “irrational risk.”

To really know and be guided by God in your life, you must be willing to take risks. I’m not talking about slot machines, poker or sports betting. I’m talking about the risk of following your heart and having the courage to do something that feels right, simply because it feels right. For example, you might follow a calling to start your own business, even though the obstacles you face may initially seem daunting. Even turning to your intuition to decide where to have lunch is a healthy form of irrational risk. Taking risks for God means having faith and letting go of your desire to control so that you can honor the promptings of your soul.

To be spiritually alive, you must be something of a gambler. A life without risks, a life where you never “put yourself out there,” is uninspired, and ultimately, boring. It lacks the spark of a life lived for something greater than yourself. Perhaps this is why the addicted gambler will lose his paycheck, his home, and his life savings–not to mention his job, friendships, or marriage–for the chance of “winning it all.” There is a part of all of us that longs, and needs, to live life laying it all on the line. So, when life challenges you to place a bet, place it on your soul.

First Responders include fire, police and emergency personnel who are trained specifically to deal with medical emergencies, or large scale disasters. The most recent local disaster was the crash at the Reno Air Races on September 16th.

Washoe County residents can be proud of their First Responders, as emergency personnel were able to triage and transport 57 injured people within 62 minutes after the vintage World War II fighter plane crashed into the VIP box seating area. That’s basically one a minute. The response was quick, efficient and thorough, and even though no one really expected such a disaster, the emergency services were well prepared for it.

Safety training for the Air Races has been continuous for many years. A Mass Casualty Incident (MCI) was conducted in July, specifically for the Air Races, so by the time September 16^th rolled around, all emergency personnel were in place and ready. Each different organization knew their area of responsibility and had a plan in place; as a result, they were able to implement that plan seamlessly.

All Federal Aviation Administration requirements were followed, but according to aviation experts, the worst possible thing went wrong at the worst possible place on the course. Safety regulations are based on the assumption that when something goes wrong with an aircraft, it will continue to go in the direction it’s headed. That was not the case at the Reno Air Races. Experts believe that a part of the aircraft fell off right before the accident, causing the pilot to lose control of the plane. When an aircraft goes out of control, it can go in an unexpected direction. However, the probability of that happening is extremely low. It hadn’t happened in nearly 50 years, and may never happen again.

Washoe County first responders had studied videos of previous air show crashes around the world. They looked at different scenarios. They made sure they had the personnel and equipment to deal with the different types of aircraft taking part in the races, as well as the aerobatic teams coming from other states.

Most people have no idea of the psychological trauma that can result from being first on the scene of such a disaster. First responders are trained to move in and do their specific job as fast and as efficiently as possible. The first priority in an MCI is triage, a French word that means “sort by quality.” First Responders have what they call a “smart triage system” which is implemented immediately in this kind of event. The people who are first on the scene often have to cover bodies, or pick up body parts. These people must continue doing their job, no matter how shocking it may be. Only when the area is clear of injured, can they begin to relax somewhat and move on to the next part of their assignment.

But because of the way we’re wired, the fight, flight or freeze part of our brain is still working, busily remembering everything about the incident. It can become difficult, if not impossible, to turn it off or block it out after the adrenalin stops flowing. The same thing can happen after any trauma. The memory keeps returning and interrupting your life. The term PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) was coined to explain combat trauma, but civilians can certainly experience trauma from fires, accidents or other unpleasantness, such as abuse or a bad divorce. Luckily, there are specific acupressure techniques that will remove the negative emotions from those memories, and in that way, neutralize them.

Washoe County should be extremely proud of their first responders. They include the Reno Fire Department, Reno Police Department, Nevada Air National Guard Fire Department, the Airport Authority, Remsa, Lemon Valley Volunteers, Galena Volunteers, Silver Lake Volunteers, Cold Springs Volunteers, Emergency Tower Support Personnel and other civilian volunteers, which included a Recovery team. Emergency personnel at Northern Nevada Medical Center, St. Mary’s and Renown performed “above and beyond,” as ambulances and medivac helicopters moved to the accident site in Stead as fast as possible, bringing back dozens of very badly injured people. After the crash occurred, there were a few seconds of shock, followed by an immediate response from individuals in the crowd with medical, military, fire or police department experience, who joined the First Responders to assist the wounded.

Reno Fire Battalion Chief Tim Spencer, who serves as Emergency Services Director for the Air Races says, “The emergency services team that we assemble for the Air Races is a unique organization comprised of many different types of responders from the area. We work together to provide the highest level of safety for pilots and spectators. The dedication and professionalism of the team members, along with careful planning and training, allowed us to make the best of a horrific situation.”

Mike Houghton, CEO of the Air Races, says, “It was a tragic although amazing experience. Tragic in that there were lost and injured people, and amazing in that the professionals in this community came together so efficiently to work as one team to help us all get through the horror of those first hours.”

So, kudos to our First Responders! They performed brilliantly when they were most needed.

References:

1. Reno Fire Battalion Chief Tim Spencer

2. CEO of the Air Races Mike Houghton

3. www.faa.gov

4. www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/21/reno-air-crash

For more info, contact June Milligan, specializing in hypnosis, trauma therapy, and helping people learn how to let go of dysfunctional thinking at (775) 786-9111, or visit online at www.joyfulchanges.com

An 11 year-old boy was given the homework assignment of writing a letter to his future self. He wrote: “I’m 5 feet two inches 91 pounds. Good athlet [sic]. I think in 7 years I will be between 6 ft to 6ft 4 inches 140 pounds. I hope to go to a good college in football. Then go to the pros and play on the niners or the packers even if they aren’t good in seven years. My friends are Jason, Kyle, Leo, Spencer, Mark and Jacob.” This student, Colin Kaepernick, achieved his dream in remarkable fashion. Seven years after writing his vision he became the starting quarterback for the University of Nevada, Reno football team. Four years later, after a stellar college career, he was drafted by the San Francisco Forty-Niners.

At age 11, Colin knew that he wanted to play football for the San Francisco Forty-Niners. Eleven years later he was doing just that. One interpretation of this story would be that Colin was the master of his destiny. He developed and achieved a goal through his own hard work and determination. This is an attractive perspective. It reinforces the idea that we are in charge of our lives; we can choose who we become. There is a problem with this viewpoint, however. There were probably hundreds of boys Colin’s age pursuing the same dream. Several of them may have had similar athletic potential and worked just as hard as Colin. Yet, only he achieved the dream.

A more realistic interpretation of the story is that Colin’s vision carried the imprint of his destiny. Etched upon his soul was a calling that would require his effort and commitment to be fulfilled. It is not so much that Colin created his destiny as it is he assisted in its unfolding. You can make the sacrifices and do the work, but these things are only one part of the equation of your life. The crucial factor, and the one that you cannot control, is your calling, your destiny.

From sports and business psychology to New Age philosophy, much is made of the power of your beliefs and visions to mould and create your future. This perspective is a pipedream of the ego. Success in life does not flow from the strength and stubbornness of your consciously held beliefs and visions. Success occurs when your beliefs and visions are aligned with your true nature and inherent destiny.

Although you don’t get to choose your destiny, you are given the freedom to embrace and honor it. This may seem disappointing to you, but it is actually a priceless gift. If you could choose your destiny, your life would be little more than an extended ego trip. But when your destiny comes from somewhere beyond you, embracing it becomes an act of love, and life itself becomes an amazing journey of self-discovery.

For more info, contact Dr. Andy Drymalski, Reno and Carson City psychologist at (775) 786-3818, or visit online at www.renocarsonpsychologist.com

Reviewed for Healthy Beginnings by June Milligan, M.Ed., CCHt |

This small paperback book is packed with ideas on how to reclaim your personal power. Using a simple four-step process that combines powerful law-of-attraction techniques, cutting-edge science, and the wisdom of some of the world’s oldest spiritual traditions, you can learn how to set up your day and therefore take control of your life.

This is a real hands-on approach. You don’t need to take great leaps of faith, or radically change your beliefs, in order to release your latent potential and achieve a happier life.

The key lies in taking full responsibility. By doing so, you begin to understand that the power to change your life lies solely within your own hands. The author shows you how to bring about the changes you desire and how to “bring about your inner calm” no matter what is happening around you.

By picking up the tools he introduces, and trying them for yourself, you see how accessible this wisdom is. Once you do that, your belief in yourself and in your ability to manifest positive change will deepen. It’s gratifying to understand that your most powerful ally on this journey is your own mind. And by harnessing your mind to seek out happiness, you not only improve your emotional health, you’ll also bolster your physical health. There are many different ways to unlock the power of your own subconscious, to bring about change and to activate self-healing and empowerment. By learning a few of these methods, you’ll consciously be in charge of your own life and your own future.

Andy Baggott reminds us that ancient wisdom teaches that science and art are two sides of the same coin; and that a healthy, fulfilling life is achieved through a combination of both. We need to be able to clearly see our goal, while also understanding the steps required to realize it. If you focus only on your goal, you may become lost in fanciful pipe dreams; focus only on the steps you need to take, and you may lose sight of the goal. Only when you know what you want and are able to consistently walk toward it, will that vision be realized.

Most people have heard of the double helix of DNA that holds our genetic information, but don’t know that this accounts for only 10 percent of our DNA. The other 90 percent that some scientists call “junk DNA,” behaves vibrationally like a holographic computer. Stored within this highly sophisticated biocomputer is all the accumulated wisdom of our ancestors…ancient memories that science is just beginning to uncover.

Every cell of your body contains your DNA. Imagine having access to that deep storehouse of ancestral wisdom. Physicists tell us that all energy in this universe is eternal. So the energy that is now part of you existed even before the Big Bang. Virtually all religions teach that when we die our consciousness returns to its source. So what is this source?

Lynn McTaggart in her book The Field describes an energy field that connects everything in the universe; a dynamic interconnected web of energy that is the source of all that exists in our physical world. Scientists call it the “field of all probabilities,” a swirling soup of all possibilities. When we learn how to tap into it, we can begin to choose which of those possibilities we want to manifest in our own lives. What is fascinating for those of us who are both open-minded and eternally curious about things like this, happiness seems to be the key that unlocks the ability to access this “field.”

This book consists of four chapters, each with short simple explanations, ideas to expand your mind or exercises to do. Examples are “The Anatomy and Physiology of Happiness,” “Leaving the Past for a Brighter Future,” “Feeling Better All the Time,” “Happiness, Health and Healing,” “The 5 Keys to a Stress-free Life,” and “Holding Your Integrity.”

Everything in this book, the examples, the stories, the quotes, and the exercises, are aimed toward helping you realize how important that feeling of appreciation is; how important that state of happiness is to your ability to create what you want in life and to live a healthy life. Since there is no separation between mind and body and since mind is in every cell, it is imperative that in order to stay healthy, we spend most of our time being appreciative and happy. This book will definitely assist you in that endeavor.

Andy Baggott is a healer, spiritual teacher and the author of thirteen books. He runs a busy healing practice from his home in England. He has been writing, lecturing and teaching on the subjects of spirituality, inner wisdom and shamanism for over twenty years. For more information, visit his website at www.andybaggott.com

To do it God’s way, or not do it God’s way, that is the question. It is important to choose carefully, for your answer will have a profound effect upon your life.

There are two main paths you can follow in life: the way of the world or the way of God. God’s way is the way of your soul, your dreams, and that small voice within. It is the path of your destiny. The way of the world, on the other hand, is more of a “one size fits all” approach. It places the values of society over those of your soul. And while it may provide the stamp of others’ approval, it often does so at the expense of your individuality and deeper values.

I know a woman who is called to write. She is a natural at writing, and life has been asking her to do more and more of it. Two months ago her computer stopped working. She tried to buy a new one on a payment plan through Dell, but it fell through due to her bankruptcy status. She was devastated and began to question whether or not she was meant to keep writing. We discussed the situation and she decided to keep writing and wait for an answer. A week or two later, while waiting to meet a friend for lunch in a casino, she put $10.00 in a slot machine and won $500.00. This amount was equal to the cost of the laptop she had earlier tried to buy. Life supported her in her path at a time when she was just about to give up.

Fast forward two months, this same woman wanted to take a creative writing class at the local community college. The $400.00 tuition was a problem, however. The school wanted her entire payment up front and she did not have the money. Again she became disheartened and questioned whether it was what she was supposed to do. At this time, she had a dream that a dog she once owned became aggressive towards her. The dream reflected how her thought of not taking the class put her in conflict with her deeper instincts. She made the decision to sign up for the class and worry about how to pay for it later. Shortly thereafter, she received an unexpected check for $406.00 from her former mortgage company as penalty assessed in a class action lawsuit. This timely surprise was accompanied by a dream the following night in which a loyal dog was at her side everywhere she went. The unexpected check and her dreams illustrate that when we stand by our deeper self, it stands by us.

When you do it God’s way, you give priority to the promptings and guidance of your soul. Your journey may not be punctuated with slot machine wins and unexpected checks, but you will be supported according to your own needs. Life requires faith and the awareness that God does not call you to things that you cannot achieve.

For more info, contact Dr. Andy Drymalski, Reno and Carson City psychologist at (775) 786-3818, or visit online at www.renocarsonpsychologist.com.