Are You in a Relationship, or in an Entanglement?
If we have had no role modeling for a healthy relationship, we don’t know much about what that looks like. Many people think they’re in a relationship when actually they’re just “entangled” with another, just enmeshed in various ways. This is not limited to romantic situations, but happens across the board in all kinds of connections and contractions with other people.
Entanglements often have the actions and reactions of co-dependency about them. Often your agenda is to change the other person or merge in wild bliss with another, and the result is often the collapse of yourself. You may feel empty and unfulfilled. On the other hand, a true relationship comes from a healthy place of feeling empowered and whole; it feels smooth and light and connective and spacious. There’s almost always a deep love and appreciation for the other person, with also a deep knowing that that your happiness and survival is not dependent on the other.
Disentangle yourself from others’ energy instead of merging with them to make them feel more comfortable. If it feels safer just to blend in with them and be a chameleon, then you’re involved in an entanglement, not a true relationship. Stand up for yourself. Assert your own space and needs. If you haven’t observed this self-empowerment for yourself, it’s amazing how things can feel natural and yet are not in alignment with what is actually healthy for our soul. Early programming makes sure we are taught to entangle (merge) with others in order to follow the rules (norms) of society. We get programmed with suppressive beliefs that get us to conform to mainstream agendas. We are taught that it’s our job, our responsibility to dim our own light and lower our own vibration in order not to outshine others. We are taught that we must change in order to make them feel more comfortable. Recognize this programming for what it is and begin to stand up for who you are, what you want.
If you’re willing to show the courage to set your own rule about this, it’s 100 percent okay to be exactly who you are and to start showing up differently in the world. As a result these people and “entanglements” will exit your life and those left standing will be the “true relationships” that are aligned with who you really are and will support the evolution of your soul. Know your own space and energy field, know your own heart. Remember, only when you are whole and complete within yourself, can you attract other whole and complete beings. Give to yourself, walk away from old programming, from other generations and other agendas, and decide exactly who you are in relating to other people. By doing so you will be able to love and appreciate yourself more, heal your inner wounds as well as old outmoded beliefs and have the opportunity to fully love another from a heart full of the space of “being who you really are.”
For more information, call June Milligan at 775-786-9111 or visit www.JoyfulChanges.com.
- Richo, David; How To Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving; Publisher: Shamballa 2002.
- Paleo, Kim, PhD. Couple Skills: Making Relationship Work. Publisher: New Harbinger Press. 2006